Wrapping up



Heh heh heh ... goats for supper ...



This past weekend (12/4) we wrapped up the last performance of our play and, after cleaning up the dressing rooms and backstage area (called "striking the set" for you uninitiated), we all exchanged hugs, a few email addresses, some phone numbers and well wishes, then headed our separate ways.

It was a little bittersweet, since I was kinda glad to be done with the play, which was relatively successful; but I was also sad to say goodbye to my new friends.  Hopefully, I will cross paths with them again if I decide to jump back into the community theater again.  Here are some pics of me in my full makeup and costume, performing onstage.



I had many people tell me I was their favorite character, and I didn't even know them or pay them money to say that.  I like to think I did a good job, as measured by the numerous little kids who refused to look at, much less talk, to me during the after-show meet and greet (what we call the "petting zoo").

Wolf is confusing me

I liked developing my character as we progressed, yet the director praised my consistency.  I guess that's something to be proud of, knowing he was able to count on me to deliver the lines with the same energy and performance every night.  Yay me!



The play was, I thought, funny and well-acted.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching the way the younger kids developed their own characters and perfected the delivery of their lines.  All in all, it was a hoot, and I'm glad that I was able to launch my fledgling acting "career" with this play.  It was an excellent opportunity to relearn all the stuff I'd forgotten about acting onstage, such as remembering lines, blocking, and the rush of adrenaline you get when performing in front of a live audience.  Whatever I do from this point on, I will have a special place in my heart for the kids (and adults) who made "Surprising Story of the Three Little Pigs" such a joyful experience.



Nobody likes Troll.  Not even terrified little boy in front row.



Troll wonders how she gets curly hair





Goldilocks is a villain?!  HAW HAW!







Troll not getting the hang of group pictures



There we go.  Three villains and ... a pig.













A simple Thanksgiving

This year was the first time I've ever been responsible for the Thanksgiving dinner.  I had my daughter for the weekend, so the two of us spent a quiet holiday together.  I've always been with my family or someone else's family during this time and there would be a crowd of people around the table, talking and carrying on.  For an introvert like me, that could sometimes be a draining experience.  Not to mention that there's always some dork who tries to buck holiday tradition by introducing their made-up nouveau bullshit dish featuring a bizarre conglomeration of ingredients, like bananas, avocados and potted meat product.  And everyone will eat a little bit because they're afraid of hurting the dork's feelings.



No bananas here, and I bet even the pilgrims and Indians ate green bean casserole, because it's just that awesome.



Simple, but cozy!  Might need to invest in placemats, though...



But I and my daughter were able to enjoy our simple meal in peace, then each did our own thing, which consisted mainly of lapsing into food-induced comas.

So, in the spirit of the day, I'm thankful that me and my daughter were healthy enough to be together, that I'm a good enough cook to make an edible meal, and that my daughter's mood was pleasant enough to not piss me off and force me to kill her.  Amen.  Happy Thanksgiving!



The little things...

Today I bought a dining table and chairs.  I've been looking for a couple of months, but couldn't find anything that was 1) cheap, 2) looked nice and 3) didn't take up a lot of space.  Last week, I purchased a nice dining table and chairs from Art Van for $250.  It was a really cool, trendy triangular table in an espresso finish with three matching chairs.  However, once I got it home and out of the box, I found huge cracks in two of the chairs and the table itself looked like wild orangutans were running whatever Korean shoe-factory machine they were using to make the furniture.

So I ducked into Bed, Bath and Beyond today for a quick look around, and saw a wooden folding table for $60, with matching folding chairs for $40 apiece.  I bought the table and two chairs for a little more than half what I paid for the Art Van furniture, and it actually looked almost as nice.  Almost.

My wooden folding table and folding chairs; they don't look nearly as bad as they sound...

...and they collapse for easy storage!  Call now and save!

This time, everything was in great condition and looked really nice, considering how much I paid.  And I was ridiculously excited about the fact I could fold them up and put them in my closet.  Someday, I'll have a life where these kinds of things don't faze me.  But, for now ... YAY FOR CHEAP FURNITURE!

Pigs goes public

The play has been coming along pretty nicely, and the publicity photos we took a while back have come back.  The director chose these to include in the media packet they're sending out.  I'm digging my long hair, but the photo looks like a low-rent heavy metal album cover.

"ALL ABOOOOOAARRRRRD ... HAHAHAHAHA ..."

Here are the Three Bears and Goldilocks:

The whole spoon and mouth thing is a little disturbing.

And here are the Three Pigs with the Wolf:

This looks like a poster for an 80s sitcom

As you can see, we're having a lot of fun with it.  I'm glad I decided to try out :-)  Now, I just have to figure out a way to make some money doing this...

Feets, don't fail me now

I got the rubber feet I'm going to wear in my role as the Troll in the upcoming community theater production of "The Surprising Story of the Three Little Pigs."  I had to laugh when I saw them, which means everyone else probably will, too :-)

You know what they say about the size of a man's feet.

The play is really starting to come together.  Everyone is getting more comfortable in their roles, we're refining the dialogue and improving the blocking to the point where I can tell it's going to be a blast to watch.  Within the next few weeks, we'll tighten everything up even more until we're performing like a well-oiled machine.  Then, when they've mastered the intricacies of the characters, developed every entertaining nuance and inflection, everyone will take the stage and pretend to be piggies, billy goats or bears. 

Meanwhile, I'll just walk onstage in these babies and everyone will laugh hard enough to piss themselves.  I'll be the hit of the show before I open my mouth!  You simply can't teach this kind of talent. 

But you can buy it for $2 in a costume thrift store.

Le Chef de Partie

I've always enjoyed cooking and, now that I live by myself, I seem to have lots of time to experiment and learn how to do things in the kitchen.  For example, I've learned that, if you leave a bag of raw potatoes in the cabinet, they eventually sprout tentacles and attempt to stage a coup with the egg noodles. 

I've also been experimenting lately with guacamole and pico de gallo because they're reasonably healthy foods, and because I really enjoy cutting vegetables.  I've even gone on YouTube to watch how chefs dice potatoes, celery, tomatoes, peppers and cilantro.  Tonight, I learned how to mince garlic without using a garlic press!  Yay, me!  And no, I don't need to be reminded of how I have no life.

I'm going to share a couple of recipes.  Not because I consider myself anything of an expert, but because these are things I enjoy eating, they're relatively cheap and easy to make, and it may provide some poor schmuck out there a substitute for Ramen noodles or sandwiches for dinner.

Stuffed Zucchini
3-4 medium zucchinis
1 pound of ground turkey, beef or Italian sausage
1/2 cup diced red pepper
1/2 cup diced yellow pepper
1/4 cup diced white onion
1 TBSP Italian spices
1 - 8 oz can of Hunt's tomato sauce
1 cup shredded cheese

1) Cut the ends off the zucchini, then cut each one in half, lengthwise.  With a paring knife and a spoon, make shallow cuts in the pulp and hollow out each half to make a canoe-shape.  Save the pulp!
2) Bring a pan of water to a boil, then submerge the zucchini shells in the water for about 2-3 minutes, then remove and place them on a paper towel to cool.
3) Dice or cut up the zucchini pulp and put it in a saucepan along with the diced peppers and Italian spices.
4) Brown the meat and onions together.  I recommend a little garlic salt or seasoned salt to add some flavor.
5) Drain the grease, then add the meat/onion mix to the saucepan with the other veggies, then add the tomato sauce.
6) Bring everything to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about five minutes, stirring frequently to mix everything together.
7) Preheat oven to 350 and lightly oil a 9x13 baking dish.
8) Put the zucchini shells in the baking dish, and sprinkle a small amount of shredded cheese in each.
9) Spoon the veggie mix into the shells.  Sprinkle the rest of the cheese over the top of all the filled shells.
10) Bake uncovered for about 25-30 minutes.

*I like this dish because it's simple, but there's a lot of room for experimentation.  It can be a low-calorie dish simply by using ground turkey and fat-free cheese, or you can go the spicy route and use spicy Italian sausage, crushed red pepper, garlic and jalapenos in the mix.  Mushrooms, olives, anchovies ... all of these would be interesting additions, too :-) 

Guacamole
4 - ripe avocados
1 - diced tomato, medium
1/3 cup diced onion
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 - cloves, minced garlic
1/2 TBSP lemon juice
1 TSP garlic salt

1) Depending on your preference, you can put these ingredients in a blender or food processor and whip it all into a creamy puree.  Personally, I prefer using a potato masher and mixing it that way, since I like a chunkier guacamole.

*There are a million different recipes for guacamole out there, some using parsley, red onions or jalapenos.  I prefer mine since it's easy and quick but, as with the stuffed zucchinis, there's a lot of room for experimentation.

**You'll notice I included some links in the recipes.  These are YouTube videos of how to prepare these veggies.  It's not rocket science, but watching the pros' techniques can be pretty helpful and make life a little easier.

Once again, let me say that I enjoy cooking and just felt like posting a couple of recipes I enjoy so someone else can enjoy them, too.  Of course, I welcome any feedback or recipe suggestions.  I also welcome any ideas about how to get rid of the 84 pounds of minced garlic sitting on my counter.

Another first

Today, I traded in my 12-year-old minivan for a 2010 Kia Soul.  Although my ex-wife and I picked out cars several times while we were married, I always felt like she bought it and I just drove it.  So qualifying for a loan and actually picking out the car was a huge experience for me. 

I'm so goddam anal-retentive, I spent the better part of a year test-driving and researching almost every different car within the $10K-$15K price range.  Then I researched insurance rates.  Then I researched lenders. By the time I was done, I was having long conversations with myself that boiled down to "Dude, enough.  Get a friggin' car already."

I'm happy enough with my new car, but I do have to say that driving away and leaving my old purple van in on the car lot felt a little bit like putting down the old family dog.  I almost cried, thinking about all the trips we'd taken in it, and how it was almost like a part of the family.  My daughter had called it "the bigcar" when she was little, and we'd even had vanity plates that said "D BIGCAR."  But life goes on, I guess.

I told my coworker what I was buying and he said "So you're gonna get with this?"  At first I thought he was just being an idiot, but then he asked if I'd seen the commercials. I responded that I don't, technically, watch TV so I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.  Finally, he made me Google the Kia Soul hamster commercial.



This is my ride.  Minus the gangsta hamsters.

 So I'll probably do as my brother Joker says and let my hair down, drop the windows, and blast "Party Rock Anthem" from my new blinky speakers.  I'ma get with this.

Moving too fast

This past weekend, I let my 14-year-old daughter drive my van.  Now, before you go calling me crazy and irresponsible for letting someone that young behind the wheel, just keep in mind that we were driving in a big empty parking lot and I let her drive BEFORE I made her drink all those tequila shots.

It would be a funnier story if she somehow managed to drive the van into a ditch or ran over a pedestrian, but she did very well and paid careful attention to my instructions ("No! No! Your OTHER left!  AIIIEEEEEE!!") and we both survived her first drive with no visible scarring.

But it made me sad.  It was just yesterday we were building pillow forts on the bed and playing Pretty Pretty Princess (at which, for the record, I totally kick ass) and now I'm teaching her to drive.  I'm not ready for her to be behind the wheel of a car, just like I wasn't ready for her to take the training wheels off her bike, pick out her own clothes or stop calling me 'Daddy.'

Seems to me a large part of parenthood is spent trying to catch up to your kid, and you never get to really know them since they grow too fast.  Just when you get used to the idea of them walking on their own, they're riding a bike.  Just when you get used to that, they're going to a school dance.  Just when you get used to that, they're a hardened criminal, etc., etc.

The best I can hope for is that someday, she'll stop running and growing and maturing long enough for me to catch my breath and let me say, "So THIS is who you are. THIS is the person you're going to be.  THIS is how you're going out into that big bad world." 

Then I'll tell her to go change her damn clothes because she looks like a bum.  And to clean her room while she's at it.

Weird Poetry of Craigslist Personals

I noticed something strange and kinda cool while looking at the Craigslist "Missed Connections" section one day.  This section is a forum for people to write the things they were unable to say to complete strangers who crossed their path.  Most of the posts are amorous comments and wistful requests for people who have "missed that connection" with another person at the drive-through window, the park, the library, grocery store or even in traffic.

There's an odd sort of whimsical poetry to these posts.  Although some are creepy or reek of desperation and loneliness, most are the flutterings of attraction that accompany our interactions with random people every day.

I think I enjoy reading them because it validates my romantic nature.  The bashful proclamation of love (or lust), the wistful hope that someone will return your affection, the rueful lamentation of a missed opportunity ... these are all elements that combine these "Missed Connections" posts to read as a short, poignant tribute to romance and its delicate gilding of fate.

Driving in California is fun! (If you don't live there)



Broseph, Mom, Me and the Jubs hamming it up, Cali-style



During the last week of August, I took my daughter with me to California to visit my mother, whom neither of us had seen for 12 years.  We coordinated a surprise visit with my brother (whom we hadn't seen in about 8 years).  He drove 12 hours from Salt Lake City so we wouldn't have to rent a car.

Then we ended up renting a car because his supercharged turbo thingie wouldn't run very well at sea-level.  Luckily, he rented a Mazda 6 sedan.  I like the styling of the Mazdas so, with the exception of the first day, I drove his rented Mazda for the rest of our trip.

I mention this because, at some point, I allowed my inner douchebag to take control of the wheel while we were on the 405 and, let me tell you, the experience of totally not giving a f*ck was exhilarating.  There was one point where I had to cut through 4 lanes of traffic to make an exit because someone, and I won't mention names but this would be my brother, couldn't properly follow the goddam blue dot on his iPhone GPS.  I took the two-lane exit doing about 65 mph which, in my opinion, is the speed reserved for parking lots in LA, and had to do a little tricky maneuvering to zip by the dimwits who were driving the suggested speed limit of 35 mph.

I didn't think it was any big deal until I looked over and saw:

1) My brother, who races tuner cars and muscle cars and has bragged about driving his goddam MOTORCYCLE at speeds in excess of 100 mph, was wearing a this-shit-ain't-funny-no-more look on his face,

2) My daughter was genuflecting and trying to recite some half-assed rosary although she's, technically, not Catholic and

3) My mother was chanting "F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck..."

This is basically what I was driving, except ours was black.
And had waves of sheer awesomeness shooting out the driver's window.

I guess it never seems as bad for the driver as it does for the passenger.  Which is why I was driving in the first place.

Needless to say, we all made it home in one piece, and spent the rest of our time eating, frolicking on the beach, playing pool, eating, driving in Beverly Hills, visiting Griffith Observatory, eating, and spending quality time together as a family.  We also did a lot of eating. 

Looking forward to another California trip so I can have an excuse to drive like a total dick and not have to worry about cutting off some soccer mom I work with.  Oh, and visiting the fam would be nice, too.

Did I just eat all that?!

I purposefully ruined my appetite when I got home from the gym.  Started with some canned fruit, then moved on to Triscuits garnished with my own homemade guacamole (yum!) and pico de gallo (too much lime!).  I washed it all down with some iced tea/lemonade drink.  Then I finished off a bag of Munchies and ate some olives.  A little later, I ate chocolate cake, which tasted a little salty from my tears of shame.

I'm a troll

I auditioned for a part in the play "The Surprising Story of the Three Little Pigs," and was offered the part of the troll.  While I am happy I was offered a role, I have to admit I'm a little disappointed since I read for a couple of other, larger parts, but I suppose this is better than nothing.

For those of you who don't know, go here to read a little info about the play:
http://www.dramaticpublishing.com/p1820/The-Surprising-Story-of-the-Three-Little-Pigs/product_info.html

It's a cute little play, performed by one of the community theater troupes in Lansing, so I think that will be a fun way to spend my evenings ... pretending to be a troll.  It's a hell of a lot better than picking lint out of my navel and debating whether or not to use a spoon to get the rest of the ice cream out of the container.

So ... break a leg, me!

Second time around

Well, here I am again.  It's been almost five years since I posted a gleeful recount of my brief time driving a musclecar, and things have changed a lot.

I got a divorce and gave up living in a $300K house on a lake with a boat, three cars and financial freedom so I could move into a little one-bedroom apartment furnished with a bed that my ex "loaned" me, an office chair I bought on sale and a hand-me-down dresser my girlfriend gave me. All my wordly possessions could be stuffed into my 12-year-old minivan.

But I'm on my own, which is what I've needed to be for a long time. This is the first time I've lived alone in my entire life.  I've always lived with, and been responsible to or for, other people.  Whether it was a parent, roommate or spouse, I always had to answer to someone else about the choices I made with my life.

I skipped that part where, by spending time alone, I learned who I was, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to be.  I know it seems that I'm romanticizing solitude, but I am realistic enough to know that I won't always be having wild hot-tub parties with the beautiful swimsuit models that live next door.  Mainly because my next-door neighbor is some Guatemalan dude named Carlos who speaks three words of English ("English no good") and usually looks at me like I've got a parrot growing out of my forehead.

I know there will be lonely nights and boredom.  I know there will be times when I struggle to pay bills, or feel like I'm stagnating.  But the difference this time is that it's on me, and me alone, to decide where to go from here.  I always relied too much on other people to give me direction, and I wound up being unhappy with myself.  Now it's my turn.

I have plans to audition for a play.  I'm going to look into MMA training.  I'm going to dust off my guitars and maybe even start writing again.  This is a new chapter for me, so let's see what happens this time around.  Wish me luck :-)