Well, here I am again. It's been almost five years since I posted a gleeful recount of my brief time driving a musclecar, and things have changed a lot.
I got a divorce and gave up living in a $300K house on a lake with a boat, three cars and financial freedom so I could move into a little one-bedroom apartment furnished with a bed that my ex "loaned" me, an office chair I bought on sale and a hand-me-down dresser my girlfriend gave me. All my wordly possessions could be stuffed into my 12-year-old minivan.
But I'm on my own, which is what I've needed to be for a long time. This is the first time I've lived alone in my entire life. I've always lived with, and been responsible to or for, other people. Whether it was a parent, roommate or spouse, I always had to answer to someone else about the choices I made with my life.
I skipped that part where, by spending time alone, I learned who I was, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to be. I know it seems that I'm romanticizing solitude, but I am realistic enough to know that I won't always be having wild hot-tub parties with the beautiful swimsuit models that live next door. Mainly because my next-door neighbor is some Guatemalan dude named Carlos who speaks three words of English ("English no good") and usually looks at me like I've got a parrot growing out of my forehead.
I know there will be lonely nights and boredom. I know there will be times when I struggle to pay bills, or feel like I'm stagnating. But the difference this time is that it's on me, and me alone, to decide where to go from here. I always relied too much on other people to give me direction, and I wound up being unhappy with myself. Now it's my turn.
I have plans to audition for a play. I'm going to look into MMA training. I'm going to dust off my guitars and maybe even start writing again. This is a new chapter for me, so let's see what happens this time around. Wish me luck :-)
2 comments:
Boredom and nights alone? Yup. Funny thing is you'll hate them while you have them and miss them when they are gone. Much like any other stage of life you go through it always seems the best times are either behind or ahead but in truth, each one is a unique experience that makes us what we are. I've always said it's important for everyone to be responsible for themselves and only themselves for at least some time and I stand by that- but still I think you'll find this stage of your life will be like all others past and present- you'll have highs and lows that will indeed shape you, but you'll look back on it as just one more piece (and not even a major one) of the puzzle that makes up Brett.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m excited for you- and I do think you will grow with this experience- but as far as I’m concerned, the current version of Brett is pretty okay.
Oh, and BTW... that growth on your forehead is rather parrot-like...
Great now you got me doin this writing stuff. Your a bad influence....
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